A Work in Progress.

Weird but special day.

Han — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 08:35:23 +0000

Been keeping myself busy in the last three weeks or so, lest I’d just be thinking over and over, which is counterproductive. I just thought to write because there’s something weird about today–I began to miss Shels again. Terribly. And I cry like it was just yesterday. And yet there was really nothing in particular which made me so emo. In fact, it has been a great week altogether. Hay. I just miss my bestfriend, period.

On a side note, I’m finally having my TMJ corrected. That would mean goodbye to iPad for now. *heartbreak*

Whatever You want…

Han — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 17:58:14 +0000

Nobody can ever imagine how hard I prayed not for what I want but what ought to be. It was because somehow I knew deep inside that it was just me pushing for things to go my way, I was just too cowardly to shift gears and do a reverse.

But still, I still got a shock when it happened.

Obviously, it still is shocking me.

But yes, I want what You want.

And I’ll never lose hope for April 30th

Thank You.

Han — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 02:00:01 +0000

It’s one of those rare moments when I stop doing something for a while, and then all the “what ifs” and “what must have beens” for the last 2 months came rushing back again. Of course, I won’t be human to not feel any tinge of panghihinayang. But then again, it happened already. And as I always say to myself, things do not happen just because.

So anyway, I realized that the last 2 months had really been trying times, especially mentally and emotionally ‘coz I really tend to think too much.

But I’m grateful and overwhelmed, that God trusts me so much that He gave me these situations. Nakakapangilabot when I think of it. ‘Coz He really doesn’t give you anything that you can’t overcome. Plus I know that His hand and His graces won’t be lacking. Not ever.

Happy feast day, St. Joseph. Always help me to obey God’s will, albeit perplexing situations

My six impossible things before breakfast.

Han — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 05:45:23 +0000

“Alice laughed: “There’s no use trying,” she said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”
“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

One of the conversations I love from Alice. And hence, inspired me to have my own “six impossible things…”, at least for this year and the next.

1. I will finally get that whoppping full scholarship to study PhD Chemistry at the University of Melbourne; get a part-time job there, and earn so much that I will be able to…

2. Attend the World Youth Day 2011 at España! And then have so much extra money to have a European tour on the side.

3. Produce five ISI publications for 2010.

4. Bag my own research funding as a project leader, not as a research associate.

5. Take my family on a long out-of-town vacation.

6. ♥ Real love ♥

Fantastical! Looks like I have to earn and save a lot ;p But as the hatter would have told me: Only if you believe it is.

Go go Hannah!:D

More crosses.

Han — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 19:31:08 +0000

Somehow I felt surprised that it still came as a shock when I learned that my visa had been denied. Redundant, yarr. Anyway, the day after my last post I got the visa application result, and yeah, I’ve been denied. Did I say that I was silently asking for it? My gosh, this is one answered prayer that I actually felt sad upon receiving. Confusing, huh? Well, now that I have thought and prayed about it over and over again, I realized that humanly speaking, I’m sad–for all the efforts, resources, and expectations that were “wasted”. Of course, I was also excited, although cramming for trips never fails to give me migraines. However, supernaturally speaking, I perfectly understand. And I am really amazed that God really gave me the “sign” that I was asking for. Plus it perfectly fit the criteria of a “sign”–the probability of it occurring is next to nil. Actually, it still puzzles me as to how I got rejected, knowing that my bank account is not that minimal. And that I worked hard for all the credible supporting documents which I submitted. Yeah yeah, somehow I’m still not over it. But I understand that it is not yet The Time. God’s ways may be mysterious but I want to want what He wants. And again, I had been given a cross with which I must remember three things:

1. A much better plan has been prepared–either immediately visible or inconceivable (Lord, please sana mayfull scholarship na ako!).

2. This minor bump will give me strength and courage to face even greater trials. I know that nothing can really prepare me for that one thing which I’m afraid of. But I know I need to constantly work on acquiring greater faith. God doesn’t allow anything which we are not ready for.

3. Crosses are meant to unite myself with Christ’s redemption, to master myself more, and to be more close to Him.

At saka haller, ang dami damiiiiiiii ko pa talagang tatapusing “work” dito. As in. Yarr.

Thank you, Lord. Please help me recover soon And get a high-paying job (haha abuso na yata).

A welcome rejection.

Han — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 20:40:49 +0000

As weird and ironic as it may seem, I am actually praying for a visa denial. Well, not really for me to be denied, but wishes for the denial as a “sign” that it is not yet time for me to go to Australia. I had been so confused these past days. I’m excited yet hesitant at the same time. I know it will be a fun adventure but I feel sad because I am leaving my family and friends behind. But really, it all boils down to a confusion in the “will”. Is it just me and my own justified intentions? Are there other plans to fathom? Why am I doubting?

Hence, the “sign”. I know full well that I shouldn’t ask for these things already, after years and years of formation. But heck, it will definitely make decision-making easier. Actually it won’t be called decision-making anymore, it’s settling-because-you-don’t-have-a-choice. Ugh. I hate it. Such cowardice.

Lenten Season 2010

Han — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 10:47:46 +0000

Yesterday I went to mass with Mom after an “intense” game of badminton with Cherry, Clyde, and Ivy. It was extra special for some reason. And I realized that this is the first Lent in my adult life that God game me a really serious trial/temptation. I never imagined that I will go through something like this.

Of course at first I was really sad. And I also felt regret at all those times which I took for granted. Plus I now have the tendency to look back and check where it all started. But I know I can never really trace it. So I just have to face forward and be busy enough not to look back in the past.

Anyway, I have tried hard to console myself with thoughts of Mary and Jesus. Even Joseph Most of the time, I derive peace from the fact that there is nothing in my life that is not meant to be and that God wouldn’t give me something that I can’t get past through. He knows me more that I know myself and I trust Him. Hopefully, I don’t falter. Just always need to keep in mind that I know that God allows trials to come our way to make us stronger. To grow more, interiorly. And to be holy, and make others holy.

I am so thankful of my formation. Buti na lang talaga.

Now I miss Shels more than ever. We usually journey through the Lenten season together, attending this and that. Well you know my thoughts Shels Grabe no. This is what the cross really means.

And I stand by my faith and make it…truly a Happy Cross.

Geez!

Han — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:56:54 +0000

And who would have thought that I could be unhealthy?

Anyway, I just need to be more extra conscious of my rest, sleep, and eating habits.

Keep going. Be more humble. Do not worry.

Fresh start/Glee/Random

Han — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:23:40 +0000

It has been a while since I wrote in here! Whew. I am sorry that I broke my promise (to myself) That I’d update this as much as possible. Anyway, thanks Chris for motivating me again. Hehe, I hope never to let busy-ness hinder me from talking to you again, blog

Anyway, gosh, I didn’t even have Christmas and New Year posts.

Yikes, what a lousy post. But I have to start with something right? I guess I can’t multitask as I’ve previously planned (watch Glee while writing). Tsk tsk, wrong move.

Well whatever. I’ve started watching Glee last night and I totally loved it (well some contents I don’t like), but I totally love the performances. Makes me wish I can sing (well). Hahaha tough luck! ;p

I also watched “Did you hear about the Morgans” earlier, with Chris and Nas. And since I wasn’t expecting anything, I loved it! Got loads of laughter from Hugh (put dreamy look here), plus I totally loved the content. Very rare nice rom-com nowadays

Well, I’m just hurriedly writing about what comes to my mind, because Episode 5 is waiting for me!!!

Siguro…

Han — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:11:51 +0000

kung sa iNe-yo concert mo ko niyaya, pumayag pa ako.

Hahaha! Just sending it out the cosmos: I WANNA WATCH NE-YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!